I Didn’t Go to Church This Year…
By Emily Leung
“And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. And the angel said to them, ‘Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!’
When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.”
Luke 2:8-15, ESV
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”
John 3:16-21, ESV
S
o, I didn’t go to church this year. Not on Easter, not on Mother’s Day, and not on Christmas. Pretty bold statement for someone writing an Advent piece, right?
I think it’s fair to state that 2022 was a mixed-bag of a year. Filled with joys (congratulations to fellow editor Katie on getting married!) and filled with struggles (I’m sure you can think of an example). And as this year comes to a close, and we embark on the new, I am reminded of the story I imagine many heard this past Sunday,
“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” Luke 2:11-12, ESV
Love came down. On that day, Christ the Lord came to us. And we know this to be true because,
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:16-17, ESV
You’ve likely heard these verses before. Whether in a Christmas sermon, seen written on a billboard, or heard in the Peanuts Christmas special. But why this now? Why these particular references to scripture? Well, because I didn’t go to church this year. And that pains me to say out loud. Not from a place of shame or guilt or feelings of obligation, but out of my own brokenness and the brokenness of my experiences in the local church. Over the last month, we’ve thought about what Peace, Hope, and Joy look like in our lives today. How can we find peace and hope in the midst of the realities of relationships, anxieties, and responsibilities? Where is the joy?
Jesus! Right? I don’t know about everyone else’s Sunday school experience, but Jesus was always a solid answer growing up in mine. I was raised in church. I went to Sunday school, VBS, and even went on to study theology in a graduate program. So, as one can imagine, it’s a bit ironic that I haven’t been attending church services. Or maybe it’s a cliché…seminary student lost after completing her degree. However, I’d like to challenge that assumption – that cliché. I believe in the local church. I have hope in the call for the Bride of Christ. And it is here where I have found rest in the love of the Father. For God so loved me. For God so loved us. That the Son of God was sent here. Like the father in parable of the prodigal son – God runs to us and loves us in our mess. Sounding like a different cliché? However, I want to pause and really consider the weight of those words. It’s easy to forget the gravity of the gift given to us. The sacrifice made for us to find new life.
Maybe you find yourself going through the motions. Or you find yourself wrestling with the “shoulds” and the “supposed to” of what you think (or is) expected of you - and this is not to say we aren’t accountable for our choices. But it’s here where we can be reminded and centered in the knowledge of what God has given to us.
All the striving left me tired. Love already sees me. God sees me. And now I’m sitting down. I didn’t go this year. And that’s OK. We are loved completely in our entire personhood. Yes, life has complications and nuances and exceptions and even rules, but here, right now, we can be confident in knowing that the Son of God came down for us and to us. Period. I believe in the Spirit that has the ability to move through our lives with peace, hope, and joy because of God’s love.
Photo by Greyson Joralemon on Unsplash
Southern Californian living in the Bay Area, Emily (she/her/hers) has her BA in Media, Culture, and the Arts and MA in Theology. She loves a good thrift find and a yummy snack. Emily enjoys learning homestyle recipes she grew up eating in her Chinese-American household especially when she can use the wok she found on the street in the Sunset neighborhood, SF. You can connect with her on Instagram and Linkedin!
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