How Can You Believe in God at a Time Like This?

A meditation on who God is in the midst of our deepest grief.

By Jessica Chung

In a time when a minute of silence
for each person who died would mean
that even 300 days of silence would not suffice,
and nurses are breaking down in their cars after work again,
I can say my God is weeping.

My Father is aching at the loss
of each person, made in His image,
fully known and fully loved by Him.
He is near to those with broken hearts,
and what breaks a heart as much as grief?

Grief: a curse of the fall
we only talk about in hushed tones and whispers,
in sad eyes, and verbal jabs with every utterance
of the phrase “at least.”

The nurse is the only one in the room
as the suburban mother of four draws her last breath.
My God has promised us we will never
grieve alone,
that we will never be alone,
that we will not have loved for nothing.
The way grief rips us open
and leaves us sobbing and gasping
traces back to love,
to lives we lost
and the love we feel for those taken from us.

The nurse holds up a laptop as the family says goodbye
to the mechanic from Queens.
Jesus said we would be marked by the way
we love one another.
I will mourn with those who mourn
because I believe in a God who mourns and loves us,
in the man of sorrows,
the one acquainted with grief.

Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash

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Jessica Chung is a Chinese American poet, born and raised in South Florida. She is a graduate student at the University of South Florida, studying to receive her Masters in Library and Information Science. She loves books, food, and the way God plays with light and shadows. She is a contributing writer for So Worth Loving and spends a lot of time with her parents, who she lives with in Central Florida. You can connect with her on Twitter and Instagram @JessicaChung13 and read more of her writing on her blog.